Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
