all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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