i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
