My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
