i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
