The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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