that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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