They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
