can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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