Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
