I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ketchup is God's man juice
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
