I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
