I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
