Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
