Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
