I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
