A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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