So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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