our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
