I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
