During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
