Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
