if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
