Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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