Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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