he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
