There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
