So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
