she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
