why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
