Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
