nut hugger
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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