But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drake has all the answers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
