good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
