My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
