i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
