I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
