she was so not down for the gang bang
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
