Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
