The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
