dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
