i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
