You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
