People in love make me want to vomit
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
