No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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