therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
