We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
