i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
