watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
