I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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