God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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