The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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